|Flowers from your daddy. He NEVER sends flowers, so today must have been one special day. ;)|
I am usually able to write these letters with ease. I have been thinking about this one all day and it seems as though the words don't want to come as freely this time. This is probably due to the fact that I am completely in awe this evening by the kindness that has been shown to our little family today.
Today is the three year mark since you were born. Happy birthday! We celebrated your birthday as a family (I baked a chocolate pie - your dad's favorite - and your big brother was so excited to get to blow out your candles for you). I thought about how this birthday celebration is so completely different from the one we recently had for your little brother. For his, we celebrated his life and for yours we celebrated your memory. Both of which I believe to be equally important.
Today was filled with so many acts of kindness. Word got out from my sweet friend and neighbor, Millie, about what this day meant to our family. We had people stop by with flowers, cookies, cards, cinnamon rolls... you name it. My phone and Facebook message inboxes were full of sweet notes from dear friends who were just letting me know they were thinking of us today. I am overwhelmed by their selflessness and kindness. Part of me feels like we don't deserve it because you (along with your brothers) are one of the greatest blessings our family has ever received. I feel so incredibly blessed to live in the neighborhood that we do and to have such wonderful friends. Tears filled my eyes with every gift and message and I couldn't help but sit on the couch and have a good cry a couple of times.
I am so grateful for eternal families, Michael. Without the knowledge that I will one day hold you in my arms again this whole greif process would be a lot more difficult. But I do know that I will see you again and that has allowed me to turn my greif and pain into hope and even happiness. Recently in our church's general conference there was a talk given by Elder Shayne Bowen titled "Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also". It is a powerful and emotional talk about parents who go through the trial of losing a child in this life. In it he says, "Because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy." I believe this with all my heart and am so grateful for a Savior who suffered for my pains and heartache and has made it so we can live together again some day.
In this world where so many people are debating the value of life inside the womb I can't help but cringe when it is disregarded and thrown away like it never existed in the first place. Some of those same people may look at our loss and wonder what the big deal is or may even go so far as to just call it a failed pregnancy. I wish they could see how life is truly a miracle. I know for a fact you had a body and a spirit. Your time here on this earth was short, but you did have time here.
You did exist.
You had your own crazy active personality and were prone to getting hiccups at least twice a day. You also had a sense of peace about you that I will never forget. I knew you were special. Our Heavenly Father knew that too and had greater plans for you. I am so grateful he allowed me to be the one to help you receive a body.
Your story has touched and helped so many people and I am proud to be called your mother. I can't wait for the day to hold you again my sweet baby boy. I hope you can see how much your family loves you!